Do You Refuse to Be Blessed?

When I was first born again, I often lived like a boy stranded between two great blessings. Life with Christ was first about gratitude for what God had done for me at the cross and second about hope for what God would one day do for me in heaven. The in-between was about appreciating the past, anticipating the future, and not sinning in the present.

Following Jesus, however, is not mainly about avoiding sin or escaping hell. If we simplify Christianity down to waiting and obeying until God brings us home, we surrender some of his sweetest graces and reject gifts we wouldn’t trade for anything else. We bury blessings made for us to enjoy long before heaven. Charles Spurgeon says, “He who grows not in the knowledge of Jesus, refuses to be blessed.” To fail to grow is to forfeit grace. To settle for where we are is to surrender more joy, more strength, more peace — more of God.

We don’t simply live between two great blessings in the Christian life. Calvary and eternity do hem us in, behind and before, but between now and forever, we sail on relentless waves of grace and dive in ever deeper seas of love. “Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalms 23:6). The blessings of heaven stream back into each new day, as we lean into Christ and strive to know him more.

Curse of Shallow Happiness

Spurgeon continues,

To know him is “life eternal,” and to advance in the knowledge of him is to increase in happiness. He who does not long to know more of Christ, knows nothing of him yet. Whoever has sipped this wine will thirst for more, for although Christ does satisfy, yet it is such a satisfaction that the appetite is not choked, but whetted.

That insight about our joy in Christ will rescue us both from unnecessary guilt and shallow happiness. Spurgeon wants to rescue us from shallow happiness by inviting us to know Christ more and more. The temptation will be to not make time, to not make ourselves more vulnerable, to not put in the effort — as if we knew Jesus enough already. But there’s so much more to know, so much more to see, so much more to enjoy. We will never find the bottom of him, even after a hundred thousand years with him in heaven.

None of us is as happy as we could be yet, because we all can know Christ more than we do. When Peter commands us, “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18), he commands us to be blessed. The growth requires effort and sacrifice and time, and it rewards us a hundredfold in happiness.

Even Joy Awakens Guilt

Spurgeon also releases us from unnecessary guilt: “Christ does satisfy, yet it is such a satisfaction that the appetite is not choked, but whetted.” Unsatisfied satisfaction. Once we learn that Christ not only saves sinners, but satisfies, our own lack of joy can hang like a dark cloud over us. The joy of others, instead of inspiring us to pursue Jesus more, quietly condemns our felt sense of deficit. We know we should be happier in him, and so we lose heart over how little joy we feel. Jesus says, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” (John 4:13–14). So why are we so thirsty?

Well, it might be because we’re finally drinking from the right well. Someone has now satisfied us like nothing else before, and we’ve realized just how much we’ve missed. We say with the psalmist, “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (Psalms 42:1–2). That is the longing of joy, not despair — to taste fullness of life, and want as much as we can possibly have. We’re desperate, but not deprived. When C.S. Lewis discovered joy in God, he wrote, “I was sick with desire; that sickness better than health” (Surprised by Joy, 119).

If you satisfy your soul with Jesus, you’ll never thirst again (John 4:13–14) — and you will begin to thirst like never before. If you know him and enjoy him, you don’t need to feel guilty about the joy you don’t have yet. Wherever you were yesterday, focus on drinking a little more of him today.

God Gives the Growth

What does “more” even mean? The how can be as paralyzing as guilt or fear. How do we know Christ more? It does begin with God’s word — hearing from him, about him, to increase our joy in him. But knowing Christ is anything but simple, just like knowing our neighbor or co-worker is not simple. The steps may be simple — make time, initiate conversation, listen well, ask questions — but each person is complex, dynamic, and deep. How much more the God-man?

If we want to grow, we put ourselves at his feet to listen and pray, and then we look for him everywhere we go. The apostle Paul asks God for the “strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18–19). God wants us to know a love that surpasses knowledge — and we do. He wants us to search its unsearchable breadth and length and height and depth — and we can. But knowing begins with asking — in Ephesians 3 and in our own growth. It is God who gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:6–7). When we want to know him more, we rely on him even more, by his Spirit who lives in us (Romans 8:9). We learn more of God with God.

Did you refuse to be blessed yesterday? If you have tasted the finer wine — “the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:8) — don’t ignore your thirst for more, and don’t neglect the well today. Yes, Jesus does satisfy, and with “such a satisfaction that the appetite is not choked, but whetted.” To know him more, even a little more, is to take another blessed step toward heaven.

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You Won’t Make It Alone Five Reasons You Need Good Friends

As Australian nurse Bronnie Ware cared for the dying, she heard them express five common regrets again and again. So, what is one of the deepest regrets of the dying? Not prioritizing friendship. On our deathbeds, most of us will wish we connected more often, and more deeply, with friends.

We’re experiencing a friendship famine in our day. As individualism increases, social bonds decrease. And we replace flesh-and-blood relationships with digital illusions of the same. Studies show that Americans have fewer and fewer close friends. Many people don’t feel lonely, but when they stop to think about the depth of their relationships, they often realize that they are more isolated than they thought.

I want to plead with you to live the rest of your days rightly valuing this gift of true friendship. But if we’re going to value friendship as we should, we need to know why it’s so valuable. Why is friendship worth all the effort we can give it?

1. You Are Human

Most foundationally, you need friendship because you are inescapably communal. You are made in God’s image, and God is not solitary — he eternally exists as a triune fellowship of love. This is why “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Our triune God made us to reflect him, and one beautiful implication is that we are wired for lives of relational fullness with other people.

God planted the longing for true friendship in our DNA. We won’t be able to live a fully flourishing life without it.

2. Friendship Is the ‘Highest Happiness’

“True friendship is an affectionate bond forged between people as they persevere in the faith with truth and trust.”

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Jonathan Edwards reflected deeply and often about true joy. Look at how he connects our happiness and friendship: “The well-being and happiness of society is friendship. ’Tis the highest happiness of all moral agents” (Works, 23:350). Edwards was a deep thinker. He was precise with words. He was a faithful pastor and theologian. When he claims that friendship is our highesthappiness, I wonder: Why do we not seem to think or speak about friendship that way?

And Edwards is not alone. See how some of our other Christian heroes thought of this relationship:

• Augustine: “In this world two things are essential: life and friendship. Both should be highly prized and we must not undervalue them” (Sermon 299D).
• John Newton: “I think to a feeling mind there is no temporal pleasure equal to the pleasure of friendship” (Letters, 331).
• C.S. Lewis: “Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life” (Collected Letters, 174).

We have lost something of the joyful wonder of this gift — experienced vertically with God and horizontally with one another. Which means we have a great opportunity to recover our forgotten heritage.

3. You Won’t Make It Alone

God brings us to faith, and he will cause us to persevere in this faith (Philippians 1:6). And he uses means, and one of his primary instruments is his people.

The author of Hebrews calls us to “exhort one another every day” (Hebrews 3:13) and to “encourage one another” (Hebrews 10:25). You and I need more than weekly meetings. We need relationships filled with discipleship intentionality. True friendship is an affectionate bond forged between people as they persevere in the faith with truth and trust.

Frodo carried the ring to Mordor, but he never would have made it without Sam.

4. Friendship Halves Your Sorrows

We need companions who sit with us in days of darkness. We need them to embody and remind us of Christ’s heart for sinners and sufferers. One of the greatest gifts we can give one another in depression is our companionship.

J.C. Ryle wrote, “This world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin. It is a dark place. It is a lonely place. It is a disappointing place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend. Friendship halves our sorrows and doubles our joys” (“The Best Friend!”). Many of us carry around great pain and sorrow. True companions cut those sorrows in half, often with just their mere presence and the rightly placed words.

5. Friendship Points to the Meaning of the Universe

“The single greatest moment in history, where we see God’s glory shine most brightly, is a cosmic act of friendship.”

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Friendship points to the ultimate end of our existence. God doesn’t just forgive us through Christ; he befriends us (John 15:13–15). He saves us to glorify him by enjoying fellowship with him forever. We are headed toward an eternal world of fellowship — with God and with all whom he’s befriended through Christ.

Friendship is also the means to this end, because the cross is the most heroic act of friendship history has ever known. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). The cross is the greatest expression of love, and Jesus wants us to understand it as a sacrifice for friends. The single greatest moment in history, where we see God’s glory shine most brightly, is a cosmic act of friendship.

Forging Friendship

Let’s treasure God above friendship, thank God for friendship, and enjoy God through friendship. Admittedly, true friends can be hard to find, and many of us can recall friendships that disappointed or injured us deeply. But these five reasons show why friendship, despite all the mess and pain, is worth more effort than we often give it.

What next steps might you take to cultivate deeper friendships? Identify a few people and plan time to get together, such as a weekly rhythm of coffee or lunch. Reach out to a friend you’ve lost regular contact with. Plunge your conversations below the shallows and into the deeper waters of life. Oxygenate your friendships with affirmation and encouragement.

God helping us, let’s make it to our deathbeds without relational regret.

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Beyond the Ceremony

Not the Last Message

It may or may not be inconsistent, depending on other factors. So let me draw out something that may be implicit in what this young man is asking, and the paths of relationship he’s pursuing (or not) with both kinds of couples.

“The question is not merely whether the marriage ceremony is appropriate. It’s also whether the couple endorses a lifestyle of fornication.”

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What I would want to be sure to say is that not attending the so-called wedding of a so-called marriage between two men or two women is not the last word about the relationship that you may have with these people. In other words, it may be exactly the right thing to do. I think it generally is — not to be affirming of that kind of relationship by attending that ceremony. Yet it may be the right thing to continue showing principled kindness to those folks in the hope of revealing the truth of Christ.

So I just want to make sure that not attending the ceremony is not the entire extent of our moral duty in Christ toward these people. If they are professing Christians getting married, that makes the relationship all the more difficult and complicated since the Bible says we are to disassociate from brothers, professing brothers, who live in this kind of sin (1 Corinthians 5:11). But if they are not professing Christians, there may be numerous ways in which we can extend the grace of God toward them in the hope of conversion.

I would say something similar with regard to the heterosexual couple whose wedding we do attend. That should not be conceived of as the last thing we do to put truth in their lives or to bring exhortation and admonition and conviction for their sin.

Now, having said all that, I think it is ordinarily wrong to attend the ceremony of the so-called gay marriage. But I think it is ordinarily right to attend the ceremony of a couple who has been living in sin, but in marrying are not in principle sinning.

In the first case, the ceremony is a celebration of sinful behavior. In the other case, it is not necessarily a celebration of sinful behavior. That’s why it’s not inconsistent to go to the one and not the other.

Complicating Factor

But there is a complicating factor that I should bring up, which the questioner may or may not have thought of. The issue concerning this second couple’s relation to God is not mainly their past behavior — past sexual sin — but their present convictions.

“Not attending the so-called wedding between two men or two women is not the last word about the relationship.”

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If they are moving away from fornication because they are now persuaded it is sin, and they are marrying as a declaration of repentance and faith in Christ and a commitment to righteousness, then they are right with God. We should join them in the penitent and happy celebration.

But it is possible that they are not at all persuaded that having sex together as an engaged couple is sin. Maybe they would do it all over again in the same way. Many in our day, tragically, are deluded about this because of how superficially they submit to Scripture. They don’t submit themselves to God’s authority in Scripture. They just do what they feel like doing, and assume God is okay with it — like sleeping together before they’re married because they think they’re committed to each other.

Unrepentant Belief

It is clear from Scripture that not only is adultery — sexual unfaithfulness in marriage — sin, but sexual relations before marriage is sin as well. That’s clear. The very term sexual immorality as it’s used in these verses makes it clear: Matthew 15:19; Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 5:5; 1 Corinthians 5:11; 1 Corinthians 6:9; 7:1–2. All refer to fornication, or sexual relations before marriage.

This is what Paul says: “‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:1–3). That’s a clear teaching. If you don’t have a husband, or if you don’t have wife, then to have sexual relations is outside the bounds of God’s revealed will.

If the couple that we’re talking about here, whose wedding you’re going to attend, has only stopped doing the act of fornication, but has not stopped believing that fornication is right, then they probably (if they belong to a Bible-believing church) are in a position where they should be disciplined — because we don’t just discipline people for unrepentant actions of sinning, but also for unrepentant belief that sin is right or permissible.

Beyond the Ceremony

The reason for this is that believing that sinful behavior is permissible means, according to 1 Corinthians 6:9, that we endorse patterns of behavior that destroy the soul, which is like murder — murder in our heart.

“The issue is not mainly their past behavior — past sexual sin — but their present convictions. ”

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“Those who do such things will not enter the kingdom of heaven,” Paul says (1 Corinthians 6:9). He’s talking about fornication, not just homosexuality. What complicates the question being asked, then, is that if the couple approves of fornication — they don’t think it’s wrong for an engaged couple to have sex — and they are professing Christians, then the Bible says, “Now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality . . . not even to eat with such a one” (1 Corinthians 5:11).

Then you’d have to ask, “Well, should I go to the wedding? I can’t even go to the reception.” The question is not merely whether the marriage ceremony is appropriate (which it is, in and of itself). The question is also whether the couple endorses a lifestyle of fornication during engagement, which the Bible says imperils people’s souls.

Everything I’ve said in answer to this question shows that the issues we are dealing with are deeper than simple attendance at ceremonies. They involve us in a kind of messy mixture of compassion and confrontation that is never easy.

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