Jesus saved
me when I was fifteen, a few weeks after I had broken up with my fourth
serious girlfriend in three years. That’s right, four girlfriends before
I could legally drive, much less marry.
I dated
off and on for the next fourteen years, probably doing things more wrong
than right, and hurting too many great Christian girls along the way. I
experienced more impatience, disappointment, temptation, and regret in
dating than in any other area of my life. And singleness became the
daily billboard of all that brokenness — a louder and louder reminder
every year of my unfulfilled desires for marriage, my shame-filled
failures in relationships, and my unwillingness to trust God and wait
for him.
Singleness
felt lonely, as I waited for someone to come into my life and never
leave again. Singleness felt incomplete, as I wondered if God would
bring my other half or fill the massive, glaring hole in my life (at
least it looked massive and glaring in the mirror). Singleness filled me
with self-pity, as I wanted what others already had, and thought I
deserved it more than them.
Marriage
and dating towered above my other idols, and so singleness became
simultaneously my unrelenting judge and unwanted roommate, reminding me
at all times of what I didn’t have yet and what I didn’t do right.
No One Has to Wait
But
while I wallowed in my singleness, I missed what the Bible says about
happiness. Sure, I had read it before, even recited it since I was
little, but I didn’t feel it deeply enough to transform how I lived my
not-yet-married life. I had seen too many happy couples, and endured too
many lonely nights, to trust that God could make me truly happy even if
I never married.
I
understood and surrendered to what God had said about obedience, even
patience, but I missed what he said about my happiness. In my mind, real
joy always laid somewhere on the far side of matrimony. I just had to
be willing to wait.
But no
one in Christ ever has to wait for joy. We may have to wait for a
husband or a wife, or for a job, or for physical healing or relief, or
for reconciliation with family members or friends. We may have to wait
for all those things and a thousand more — with no guarantee that any of
those things will ever come to us in this life. But the sinless Son of
God bled and died to ensure that you and I never have to wait for
happiness.
Does God Hide Happiness?
Joy in God is not buried in some future circumstance; it’s buried in the ground under our feet today.
Jesus
says, “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a
man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he
has and buys that field” (Matthew 13:44). The man or woman who has
found joy in Jesus isn’t desperately searching for joy anymore, but
desperately doing anything and everything to have more of him. They now
see every desire and longing through the lens of having already
discovered and secured their greatest treasure.
Was the
man in Matthew 13:44 married or single? If he was married, what did his
wife think about him selling the farm? It doesn’t matter. The point is
that Jesus really is worth losing all we have or might have in the
future, even a husband or wife. Real happiness is not hidden in
marriage; it’s hidden in Him.
Satisfy Me in the Morning
Psalm 90 records a prayer that has been an anchor in my pursuit of joy:
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. (Psalms 90:14)
The key to enjoying a lifetime of happiness is to find happiness in God today, in the situations and circumstances he has placed us in today.
God does not make us wait for joy, because he does not make us wait for
him. If we think we have to achieve a certain relationship status, or a
certain income level, or a certain ministry profile before we
experience real satisfaction, we haven’t tapped into what he already
promises to be for us today. We haven’t looked hard enough at the field
under our feet.
Our plea must be this: Lord, satisfy me this morning with yourself, so that I will be able to rejoice all my days
— even the hardest, loneliest, most painful ones. Satisfy me in my
singleness, so that I will be satisfied every day you give me here on
earth, whether I ever marry or not.
Singleness
will be torture if we have not given our hearts to God. Marriage may be
even worse. The only people who are truly happy in marriage are not
mainly happy because of marriage. They are satisfied in the morning with
God, and that makes marriage satisfying.
If you
love God like that, even unwanted singleness can be satisfying. You can
want to be married, and long to meet your husband or wife, and still
love every minute of your single life with Jesus.
