Sex
is often considered a taboo topic, even though the media constantly
uses it to divert our attention to advertisements, music, and the
entertainment industry as a whole. In reality, sex is not only a gift
that allows us to procreate, but also a tool we can use to learn more
about ourselves, our bodies, and even our inherent spirituality.
advertisement - learn more
Thanks to the media and the porn
industry’s portrayal of sex, many people seem to think the entire point
of intercourse is the end game: the orgasm. Not only is that extremely
short-sighted. since sex is just as much about connection as it
is pleasure, but a lot of people don’t orgasm during intercourse,
particularly women. A new study looked at the sex lives of 52,000 adults
with varying sexual preferences in hopes of finding an explanation for “the orgasm gap,” or, in other words, why people seem to think that men orgasm more frequently or more easily than women.
The Study All About the Art of Orgasming
A team of researchers from Indiana University and Chapman University recently published a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior on the orgasm gap,
or the notion that some groups of people, particularly men over women,
orgasm more frequently during sex than others. This is often brushed
off as a hoax, or another sexist statement, but their survey showed
that it does hold some truth.
The team surveyed 52,000 people
with different sexual preferences, including straight, gay, lesbian,
and bisexual men and women between the ages of 18 and 65. The survey
results indicated that 95% of heterosexual males orgasmed during sexual
acts with their partners, whereas only 65% of heterosexual females did.
In fact, of all the categories the team looked at, heterosexual women
always reported the lowest percentage of orgasms.
Bisexual women reported they orgasmed
66% of the time, so slightly better than heterosexual, and lesbian women
reported 86% — a significant increase. 88% of bisexual men surveyed
said they orgasmed every time, and this number reached 89% for gay men.
The study explains:
Compared to women who orgasmed less frequently, women who orgasmed more frequently were more likely to: receive more oral sex, have longer duration of last sex, be more satisfied with their relationship, ask for what they want in bed, praise their partner for something they did in bed, call/email to tease about doing something sexual, wear sexy lingerie, try new sexual positions, anal stimulation, act out fantasies, incorporate sexy talk, and express love during sex.
I don’t think any of that necessarily
has to do with being a woman, but rather being a human being who seeks
connection with others. Clearly, sex is more pleasurable when it’s not
just that — sex. I’d like to bring your attention to the final
element of the equation, which is to “express love during sex.” Isn’t
sex itself an expression of love? Whether that be love for the Self
and/or for your partner, this act represents an intimate bond between
two people, or more specifically, between two souls.
What Does This Say About Sex Culture?
Thanks to the current sex
culture, there’s a stigma surrounding “people forming attachments” after
sex. Numerous people engage in “one night stands” or relationships
with “no strings attached.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with this,
as it’s not beneficial to form attachments to anyone (though it may be difficult); however, there is no such thing as “no strings attached” when sexual intercourse is involved.
Have you ever felt such a strong bond to
someone that you feel extreme empathy toward them, even if you don’t
know them well at all? From an energetic perspective, this is because
we’re all deeply connected and because we’re vulnerable to other
people’s frequencies. It is said that you should choose your
five closest friends wisely for this reason, as their vibration will
affect your own. I would argue that you should exercise caution when
choosing your sexual partners for this exact same reason as well.
If you’re having sex with someone, an
act that physically connects you in the deepest way possible, it makes
sense that their energy would be imposed on you. Furthermore, it is said
that when you have sex with someone, their aura leaves an imprint on
you that is difficult to energetically cleanse yourself from. So, if
you’re sleeping with someone who has slept with ten people in the past,
and that individual hasn’t cleansed themselves from their former
partners’ energies before, you may be susceptible to eleven people’s
energies. This also creates an energetic tie between you, and if you’re
not mindfully detaching yourself from your sexual partner, then it makes
perfect sense that we “become attached” and disregard the whole “no
strings attached” theory.
Why The Orgasm Is So Misunderstood
I believe that our current sex culture perpetuates the idea that the orgasm is the be all and end all of
sex. It’s considered the goal, which is perhaps why so many people in
this generation refer to intercourse as “scoring.” However, I believe
that this concept is extremely short-sighted, as I think that sex is
meant to be an intensely spiritual practice, and one that can offer you
more pleasure than the actual orgasm itself.
I believe sex can be used as a tool to deepen our inherent love and connection to one another through practicing tantra,
which is Sanskrit for ‘woven together,’ and Taoism. Both tantra and
Taoism encourage different methods of creating and building sexual
energies between two partners for spiritual enlightenment. Although
tantric sex is typically practiced with a partner, I believe that,
through this practice, you can come to understand yourself better on a
spiritual level. In fact, a neuroscientist recently conducted a study
which suggests that orgasms feel so good because they allow us to access
an altered state of consciousness (read more about that in our CE
article here).
One of the ancient practices within Taoism
is controlling the male ejaculation during sex. Taoist practitioners
believe that the loss of ejaculatory fluids equates the loss of vial
life force (or “jing”), so by learning to conserve the sperm, men can redirect the energy of the orgasm throughout the body.
This
doesn’t mean that men should never orgasm; it’s simply a spiritual
practice worth practicing on occasion that can actually bring more pleasure
than ejaculation when practiced correctly. Some Taoists believe that by
redirecting the energy upwards toward the crown chakra, it can provide
nourishment to the brain. In modern sex culture, some people refer to
this as “edging,” although many men may do this for different reasons.
Women can also redirect their sexual
energy by moving it upwards, although this wasn’t studied in the
practices nearly as much. However, sex was viewed as an empowering act
for females, as they can bring forth life and act as “tutors” for their
partners during intimacy. Women were and still should be viewed as
equals to men during sex, so it should be noted that these practices are
only useful when both parties are consensual.
I also think the female orgasm is vastly
misunderstood, as so many people seem to think that it’s more difficult
for women to orgasm. Although the study clearly suggests there is truth
within this, and the researchers actually suggest a “golden trio” of
moves you can read about here,
I’d argue that it’s more so the lack of connectivity that prevents
women from orgasming. I’m not just referring to the absence of romance,
but also the tendency for partners to only focus on themselves during
intercourse.
I believe we’ve lost touch with the
inherent connectivity that takes place during sex. Both women and men
are treated like “meat,” as if their physicality is the only reason
sexual intercourse should take place. When it all comes down to it, the
physical realm is an illusion, so the real question here is: Who is the
soul you’re physically connecting with, and why were you drawn to them
in the first place? Perhaps by answering that, you can actually improve
your sex life. Who knows, maybe in your quest for a more connective sex
life, you’ll end up learning more about yourself along the way.
